I can't believe he is nine. When he was born I was so young. And clueless. Clueless about so many things. Of everyone we know I was the one ready to have a baby! So maternal and nurturing. Then, this baby came out and I was like...who the heck are you?!?!
He brought forth my lifelong dream to reality. But when he got here I wasn't so sure I knew what to do as a Mom. All my life I just KNEW I would be a good mom. Then, I was a mom. And I wasn't a good one at all (at least for the first 3 months of his life). I didn't bond with him right away. I loved him. I was enthralled by him. But I didn't know what to do with him?!? He cried A LOT. He wouldn't nurse. He was...
A BABY!!!
Now it's funny. But in the moment it was NOT.
My mom broke her elbow the day after we came home from the hospital. SO, she came to stay with us so we could help her. Ummmm...
That woman was up THE NEXT morning mixing muffins with her left hand trying to take care of us. US!!! (we were pretty pitiful).
I'd like to say that having this sweet first born G-man made me grow up. Through his first year of life Kdog and I went from a young couple who were selfish and lazy to a young couple who grew deeper in love with each other and learned compromise.
Having a baby forces you to compromise.
It slings you into this place where if you don't give some of yourself up then everything else around you falls apart.
When I realized this and really internalized it I started to see the parallel between being a parent and having an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. When you surrender your life to Christ your old self is gone and your new life begins...
When you become a parent you have to give over your old life. You must start a new life as it begins raising a child.
Your relationship with Christ is to be a commitment that Jesus said: '...deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me...' Matthew 16:24
Being a parent requires us to deny ourselves of a lot of things.
Let me just list a few:
1. sleep
2. privacy
3. time to yourself whenever you please
4. sleep
5. relaxing vacations
6. long leisurely walks in the park
7. sleep
8. boredom
9. clothes that don't have stains
10. sleep
Seriously though...
I''m not saying when you become a parent your entire life stops. You still have to focus on the relationship that created this child. Nurture your marriage. Work at your marriage. Tend to it...pick out the weeds (because if overgrowth occurs it's going to cost A LOT more to make the flowers bloom again if you get what I'm saying...).
We have always said that there is just "something about G-man." He has this spiritual understanding and comprehends much more about Jesus than I did when I was nine. This kid is kind hearted and sensitive. He's also really intense. He's such a people pleaser that I sometimes find myself pleading with him to understand that sometimes people fail. And it's ok!!!
Sometimes I wish I could fly back in time and love him all over again as a baby. When you're a new mom you can't enjoy all the little moments as much as you do when you've had an entire litter. He was the sweetest baby. Chubby, fluffy hair and loved to be rocked (which I didn't appreciate then either. I mean, who wants to sit and rock a baby ALL DAY?). GAH!!! What I wouldn't do to be able to just sit. SIT. Sit and rock my baby all day...but once you have more than one...
Being able to learn from these phases of life is what it's really all about.
Are you learning from your life?
Or are you just living your life?
Becoming a mom made me grow up. It forced me to take my self centered, calorie counting, insecure, jealous, paranoid life and lay it down at the foot of the cross where my Savior died so I could LIVE.
REALLY LIVE.
Loving a child is as close as it gets to experiencing Christ's love for us this side of heavens gates.
My first born changed everything.
He changed the way I viewed Jesus' love for me.
I would give every ounce of myself to my kids. And no matter what they do in life I will love them just the same. There is no way to stop the love I feel for my children. It is UNSHAKEABLE.
Hmmmm....
That is a fraction of what the Lord's love for us is like. He loves us more than we can even imagine. More than the love we feel for our children. He loves us when we are jealous, petty, unthankful, rebellious...
whaaaaaaat?!?!?
It's real.
It is freaking real!!!!
And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:5-8 NIV)
This kid, that entered my world on a cold snowy day in February, changed my life. He saved me from just living my life. His sweet little face and full head of hair opened my eyes to what the love of Christ really is...
Pure. Relentless. Free.
"The great thing to remember is that, though our feelings come and go, His (God's) love for us does not. It is not wearied by our sins, or our indifference; and therefore, it is quite relentless in its determination that we shall be cured of those sins, at whatever cost to us, at whatever cost to Him." C.S. Lewis (Mere Christianity)
God is relentlessly pursuing you whether you believe it or not. He desires for you to surrender up your life and accept His love that is free...
God is relentlessly pursuing you whether you believe it or not. He desires for you to surrender up your life and accept His love that is free...
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