Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Reinventing socializing

For the past six months I've been waking up. Kind of like a Momma bear coming out of hibernation. The infant stage is behind us (whoooop whoooop!!!) and I'm starting to have time...to think. Oy.

And over analyze. Oh joy!

The last TEN years have consisted of this: get pregnant, be really unbearable, have a newborn, hibernate, start to function 'normally' in society, get pregnant AGAIN. Repeat.

So. I'm trying to start functioning 'normally' in society again.

Hahahaaa. What does that mean?

It means this: I really haven't cared much about socializing or fashion or investing in new friendships (do those exist in your adult life?), or anything else other than trying to survive my day to day life with my awesome growing family.

Now, don't think that paints a gloomy pathetic picture. Quite frankly I have enjoyed this phase of life so much! I got to meet my kids! Kdog and I have reached amazing relationship marriage status. Things are good. Very good.

Finding friends that are in the same season of life is HARD. 

So, I've been over analyzing my friendships.

And I've been placing too much of 'what can I get out of this friendship' in my criteria for friends. 

That'll slap you right upside the head. It certainly will.

The Lord revealed this to me a few weeks ago:
Girl, it doesn't matter what you get out of a friendship. All that matters is that you serve others. And you serve others with a grateful, caring heart. You meet people where they are and don't expect a single thing in return. Life isn't about how others don't care about you (like you care for them). Life is about loving and giving freely. No strings. No stipulations. You shouldn't require anything from anyone. All of your self worth or feeling of admiration should come from God. (Now, I don't recommend being in abusive unhealthy friendships or relationships but that's an entirely different blog post). 

I've realized I have got to stop. Stop putting stipulations or stupid expectations on friendships. 

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. (John 15:12-13 ESV)

There are also things I've had to realize when it comes to HOW people are friends. I am very much an acts of service, bake you a freaking ten pound bundt cake, kind of friend. And guess what, Renae? Not everyone else is wired the same way. 

Learning to accept the way other people connect to me was truly an eye opener.

This has also made me reach out to others in ways I normally wouldn't. Being intuative to what others are going through and making that phone call or dropping by a cup of coffee and even sending a little note of encouragement really shows others you care. And I've made a promise to myself to make sure others know how much I care. 

We are designed, by God, to form relationships with eachother. Positive, uplifting, hilarious, serious, complicated and wonderful relationships.

As I steer through this interesting season of my life, I'm determined to change the way I am a friend to others and maybe, prayerfully, God will lead me to form some more genuine, deep friendships that I will be forever grateful for. 

Think of others more than you think of yourself. Tell the people you love how much you appreciate them. Don't second guess yourself. People need to be loved and yes, we need God first, but we also need eachother.

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 ESV)