Thankful is a very heavily used word around our house.
You see, we are thankful for death, disease, pain, & suffering....
HUH?!? Yeah. I know. You thought we were weird before but now I'm telling you I'm thankful for some terrible things?
Let me explain...
About twelve years ago (give or take a few) Kdog & I began an unimaginable journey to thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving in the terms of being thankful everyday for the small things.
But also for being thankful for circumstances & life events that hurt.
Being thankful for pain.
Thanking God for the struggles Because of where we are on the other side.
After the rainy stormy foggy crappy dark hole of desperation & anguish that held us in bondage there was LIGHT & beauty.
There is JOY.
I know, right?!? I'm such a perfect wonderful thankful Christian. Pfssssst.
Go ahead. Kick my face.
I mean, come on, do you really think we got here easily or without strife?
Rewind:
When Kdog & I were first married we noticed his mom forgetting things. She was YOUNG. In her 50s. Clinically depressed for years after losing her husband (Kdog's daddy-o). But one of the sweetest (unless you crossed her wrong & that redheaded woman would cut you with a look so deep it would make a grown man pee himself) & soft spoken women I've ever met. She was modest and could bake up the BEST poundcake & poppyseed bread. She treated me like her own & once I got to know her, fell in love with her sweet spirit.
She loves The Lord & instilled in her children the importance of God, family, & perseverance (after kdog's Dad died [when he was 12] she went back to nursing school).
I LOVED listening to stories of how much she loved Kdog's father. She would say 'I had the best & nobody will ever compare.'
She ALWAYS had her bible beside her chair with lists & lists of people she was praying for.
She was an intrugal part of establishing my solid faith & at the time I didn't even know it.
Soooooo....
At the age of 56 my mother in law was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. And we began the journey that would change our world forever.
When you're 22 you don't exactly have the maturity level to take on the responsibility of being a caregiver for a parent. That comes later in life, right!!??
You learn fast when times get REAL.
Taking away car keys
Moving out of houses
Assisted living
Medications
Laundry...
We also found out quickly that in order to cope you have to find humor. And boy was there some humor!
I've clipped toe nails
Washed buttcracks (what, you've never washed your mother in laws buttcrack?!?)
Gotten phone calls from assisted living about naked dancing in hallways (kdog's mom would have NEVER done anything like that in her right mind.)
Accused of taking her to jail (Kdog was the sherif, you know.)
But in the midst of the humor there were walls being built preventing us from feeling. Loving. LIVING.
Fast forward:
A good five years went by and we were melting. Fading.
We thought we were clinging to The Lord.
But little by little we started realizing how bitter we were becoming.
Then God opened our eyes:
"For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:24-26, 28 NIV)
There was so much bitterness in this house for a long time & holding on to why & how long...what should of been, etc (the list is huge).
But ever since we prayed together to release ALL of this to Jesus we've been freed of the stronghold stealing our joy.
There are still tough days but they are manageable through Jesus's gift of amazing GRACE.
Kdog is a much better husband & father bc he realizes how precious time is...
And I'm a better wife & mother because I realize tomorrow isn't guaranteed.
My mother in law is still clinging to life here on this earth. We've stopped asking why & pray His will be done.
I'm thankful for what this whole experience has made our marriage...solid. Centered on Christ. And I can guarantee without having lived the dark, difficult years before, we would never have gotten to where we are now.
" Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6, 7 NIV)
We are thankful.
Everyday we are thankful.
Focus on the good.
Find the joy.
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